The Gaze of Jesus
A Monk of the Eastern Church
“We would see Jesus” (St John 12:21) certain Greeks said to the apostle Philip. And it is always just this prayer which I address to the Holy Spirit. O Lord Holy Spirit, make me see Jesus!
The pure of heart will see God (St Matthew 5:8). The Sermon on the Mount makes it quite plain. And Jesus can be seen only by the pure of heart, who can move directly to the very heart of the Gospel. For them, it is very simple. But it is difficult for those whose gaze is troubled by the passions or by the unbridled quest for purely human knowledge. They must re-learn purity of heart in order to regain the direct, immediate gaze of Jesus.
I learn to look at Jesus in so far as I learn to be looked at by Him, that is, to submit myself to His gaze. Before speaking to Simon Peter (St Matthew 4:18) at the time of his first call, Jesus looks at him, and the Greek word implies that He looks at him with insistence. The same insistent gaze was again cast upon Simon Peter (St Luke 22:61), when Jesus was coming out of Caiaphas’ house and Peter denied Him. The first of such looks from Jesus fills the disciple with joy and light. The second makes the disciple who has failed his Master weep bitterly. There are looks of the Saviour which cause weeping: without them, I shall not deserve to have the glance of light cast upon me.
The conditions for the vision are the same as those imposed by Jesus on the three disciples (St Matthew 17:1) whom He made witnesses of His transfiguration. Jesus “took them with Him” ; He “ led ” them; He led them “up a high mountain,” where they were “alone, apart.” Let us consider being alone with Jesus, letting ourselves be led by Him. The ascent is painful — far above what is bad or mediocre in our life. Ordinarily all these conditions remain necessary. (I say “ ordinarily ” because there are exceptional cases: Saul on the road to Damascus [Acts 9:3]).
The theme is still purity of heart. The pure heart is unalloyed (as one speaks of gold which is pure), an undivided heart, an unshared heart, its integrity preserved — or recovered. Impurity, in the sexual sense, is only one of the forms of disintegration. “My son, give me thy heart” (Proverbs 23:26), said Wisdom in the Old Testament. Only a heart that is “given” can grasp Jesus; but it must be given without turning back, complete, without fault. The one is opposed to the many. “My name is Legion” (St Mark 5:9), answered the man possessed, when Jesus asked his name.
My child, you have sought your own happiness. Instead of the happiness which you were seeking, I offer you My beatitudes. Your whole life has made it clear to you that your road was closed to you, outside of the complete giving of yourself. Blessed are you to whom I have barred the roads which are not Mine!
When I look at You, Lord Jesus, I no longer feel the need of questioning You, of receiving answers to specific questions. Your person, Your image are a sufficient and complete answer. If I fix my eyes on You, in You everything is revealed to me, obscurely, indeed, but powerfully; and even this obscurity (which between us, cannot not be) is often a dazzling brightness. When it seems to me that I have obtained a clear vision of You, everything becomes clear to me.
Your word, Lord Jesus, is not a commentary on a relationship which should exist between You and me. Your word gives birth to that relationship. It does not inform me of Christ’s behaviour; it establishes my vital contact with it. It is the very irruption of the divine behaviour in my life.
Every one of the Saviour’s words is a declaration of His grace. In Jesus, even in His most everyday remarks, it is the Redeemer who speaks. The shadow of the cross falls on all things. No, the sunlight of the cross!
(A Monk of the Eastern Church. Jesus: A Dialogue with the Saviour. New York: Desclée Company, 1963.)